Local Man Decides He Is Too Famous For Surname

Three weeks after creating a SoundCloud account, area man Jonah Heavensbee told his small fan base that he is getting to be too famous for his surname. “Being called ‘Jonah’ commands more fame and respect, just like Sting or Ashanti,” said Heavensbee. Heavensbee has been playing at local coffeehouses, Bar Mitzvahs, and low-budget family gatherings for a few months now, and feels that he is finally coming into his own as an artist. As of now, he only plays covers of other surname-less musicians such as Björk and Mario, but reports that he has big plans for the future.

A self-proclaimed “DIY kind of guy,” Heavensbee plans to start making all his own CDs and products. “It’s all about branding. Putting the name ‘Jonah’ next to a cool logo will definitely sell lots of merch.” Much to the surprise of his mother and her book club friends the name change has proven beneficial for Heavensbee. “He had to get a day-job to pay for all the blank t-shirts and sharpies, and says he’s almost saved up enough to move out of the basement. I almost believe him this time,” said Mrs. Heavensbee.

Heavensbee enthusiastically reported that he has since gained 6 more followers -- a 200 percent increase -- and loads more confidence.

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