NRA advocates for Zygote Gun Rights

As Congress met for the first time in its 114th session, big lobbyists from across the country met to silence the voice of the people. One of them was Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the NRA, who presented a bill titled, “FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM”.

The bill would extend America’s sacred right to bear arms to its most vulnerable citizens: unborn children. LaPierre saw this bill as an effort to effectuate change in two conservative causes: gun rights and the Pro Life Movement.

While advocating for a step towards an anarcho-capitalist, Jeffersonian utopia, LaPierre stated, “The only thing that can stop an Ob-Gyn with ultrasound, is a zygote with a gun.” He ended his rousing speech with, “You can have my gun when you pry it from my five little piggies,” which resulted in the entire Republican caucus roaring in a standing ovation. Speaker John Boehner was moved to tears and Texas Representative Louie Gohmert climaxed and fell on the house floor.

Congressional Democrats, in an effort to compromise with the Republican majority, proposed that gun rights only be extended to fetuses in the third trimester.

#Politics