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Clark Gives its First Ever Sports Scholarship to High School Mathlete

  • Robbie Franklin
  • Apr 14, 2015
  • 2 min read

Student Behind the Books

While accepting incoming first year students for the Fall Semester, Clark University made a point to address its dwindling mathletics program with a series of scholarships. As a Division III school, Clark has historically granted only academic scholarships, but as Dean of Admissions Don Honeman argues, “For the last few years, our math teams have had neither success nor support. The Men’s program has looked especially peaked. This makes our mathletics program and the college as a whole less attractive to those looking to apply or enroll in our university, and that is something we need to change.” With the scholarship, which has also come under fire for being the reason for the rise in tuition costs, Clark hopes to completely overhaul both the Men’s Calculus and Geometry teams, while adding depth to the Women’s Probability and Statistics Team.

Among those to receive the scholarship is California native Brandon Baker, a Division II All-American Mathlete as a senior in high school. Baker is one of the nation’s top Calculus prospects, but was found to be using performance enhancing drugs as a sophomore. When reached for comment, Mathletic Director Trish Cronin stated, “Brandon is extremely intelligent and would be a huge addition to our program here at Clark. I am confident that he has learned from his mistakes and will not repeat them. We are excited to have him on board.”

President David Angel released a statement earlier this week regarding the addition of a new scholarship in which he said, “I would just like everyone to make sure they understand that this is certainly NOT a cover up to get one of the nation’s top athletic prospects to come to Clark, and that they certainly didn’t just add an ‘M’ to the beginning of all the words that have to do with sports, because the NCAA would definitely see right through that.” During the same speech, Dr. Angel also told everyone to make sure to go watch the laCross Section team play this Thursday, since they are one of the few teams that actually does okay.

 
 
 

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Hipster Quote of the Week:

The message at the end of “The Tortoise and the Hare” isn’t that ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but actually a well-remembered quote from the 1977 Disney classic “A New Hope”: “Great kid! Don’t get cocky”. Bullshit that the hare was gonna lose that race if he didn’t choose to stop for a nap and a snack and whatever else he did. Bullshit that the tortoise was going to catch up in any capacity if the hare didn’t slow down for him. Maybe that platitude makes sense, but definitely not in this situation.

 

A race is a sheer contest of speed. No other skills go into that. The tortoise and the hare aren’t making miniature wooden horses and getting judged on the craftsmanship of their products alongside their finish time; they are moving from one point to another. In no universe does slow and steady win that race. Slow and steady wins no races, except for races where the point is to go as slow as possible. Even in cases where slow and steady could be considered a possible alternative to fast, such as the aforementioned miniature-wooden-horse-making competition, someone who can do similar quality work at a much faster pace still wins that competition.

 

Slow and steady does not win the race. Not being too full of yourself does.."

 

~Nick Gilfor

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