Local White Man Sees Selma. Becomes Expert on Social Justice.

Fifty-five-year old, middle class, white man, Greg Richards was recently coerced into seeing the civil rights picture, Selma. Eyewitnesses report Richards was seen exiting the theatre loudly shouting for all to hear,

“Wow I… I feel like I should just apologize to everyone. I’m so sorry...Why don’t I have more black friends…?”

After Richards’ reported epiphany on post-racial America, the father of two has been seen around town attempting to “embrace black culture”. Such instances have included a haphazard breakdance when passing by a radio playing vaguely R&B-type music and giving the old college try at, to quote Richards, “being hip with the kids and speaking their lingo”, by attempting to educate two young, African American boys on why Selma was so important. Richards told the boys, they have to “jive with the message your brothers are telling” and “educate yourselves about your own culture! Now, how old are you kids; twenty-one or twelve? I can never, uh… You kids are just so big and… athletic.” The children fortunate enough to hear such enlightening words are seven and eight years old, respectively.

Richards also continued his edification escapade by verbally harassing two African-American women in their sixties for not having seen the film, accusing them of, “being part of the problem!” and “the reason racism is still an issue in this great country!”. When asked how he felt about other modern issues of race, Richards told The Freudian Slip, “Oh, well Selma took place almost sixty years ago. We’ve got a black president and 12 Years a Slave won at the Oscars last year, so…” Inspiring words from such an outspoken activist. Richards, has since resolved to use his newfound knowledge for a “greater purpose” and is currently directing a middle school production of the musical Hairspray.

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