Pope: Anal Rosary Beads Safer Option than Sodomy

VATICAN CITY-- This past Sunday at his weekly mass, His Holiness, Pope Francis gave his weekly address. The papal audience waited for hours to hear the Pope speak in St. Peter’s Square. His Holiness has been under-fire recently for his controversial dominant position on sodomy, “Psalm 23 states, thy rod and thy staff shall comfort me. If you partake in the gay nasty, I don’t recommend it, but if you do, utilize anal rosary beads.” This comment sent pounding shockwaves throughout the congregations of churches.

Students at a local catholic school have stretched the truth regarding the penetration proclamation. Sacred Heart High School in Weymouth, Massachusetts created a pamphlet to describe how many Acts of Contrition and Hail Marys are needed to appropriately achieve pleasure. The pamphlet cautioned that “holy water cannot be a substitute for lubricant”. Many members of the Jewish community have been submissive to the idea. One outspoken Rabbi, Donald Lieberman reportedly said, “We’ve been using lubricated anal menorahs for centuries, I don’t see why everyone’s getting their panties in a bunch.”

This catho-licking approval from His Holiness has prodded outrage. Bewildered parishioner, Paul Huffington, wondered,”What’s next? Gay marriage? I don’t know how much more open we can all be!”.

#Politics