Clarkies: Meet Walter the Waterboy

Dear Clarkies,

My name is Walter, and I am a sophomore here at Clark. For the last two years I have been a waterboy for our varsity sports program, and have been a front-line witness of the dreary seasons that our teams have faced, along with the devastating effects these losses have on the moral of the student athletes and the student body as a whole. I, as a waterboy, can only do so much; I am no Adam Sandler. However, despite my lack in athleticism, I am confident that Clark has the ability to become a very competitive Division III varsity program, but so many of its athletes are stuck in the “green sports,” or sports that practice on the green like ultimate, quidditch, and most other intramural or club sports. Our sports program’s largest problem is its lack of popularity among the athletes of these sports, so I have taken it upon myself to ‘hipsterize’ Clark University’s varsity program.

Therefore, for the health of Clark University as a whole, I have convinced the athletic department to replace all of the water bottles used by the sports teams with mason jars in an effort to make varsity sports more appealing to the obviously dominant demographics here at Clark. I hope you will all support me in this campaign, for this is easily the most pressing issue facing Clark today.

Cordially Yours, Walter

#Sports