The Pros And Cons Of Lofting Your Bed

As summer comes to a close and first-years enter the world of residential housing, incoming Clarkies are confronted with one of the most contentious issues in the lives of young coeds all across the country: whether or not to loft their beds. The Freudian Slip breaks down the pros and cons of bed lofting.

PRO

· Inevitably, as the leaves on the trees turn brown and the autumn-scented air folds into delicate snowflakes, and pumpkin spice chai graduates to peppermint twist mochas or whatever those basic girls from JSC always order, you will gradually collect more and more shit until you are nearly swallowed whole by the sea of clothes on your floor and the general squalor of your life. That one extra inch off the ground could be the difference between life and death.

· Plenty of room for dat yung bean bag chair you’ve been eyeing in the IKEA catalogue amiright

· Psychologist Jack A. Goncalo, Ph. D., of Cornell University, claims, “Given that height is associated with power, raising your height may make you feel powerful.” Your roommate always seems to have one more AP credit and one more button from a social justice rally. It couldn’t hurt to have just one more inch on him. With one more inch, you’re in control. You’re the man, man.

CON

· There will be less room to take adorable, sepia-toned instagrams in front of your ‘unique’ yet mass-produced Target tapestry that Jill from down-the-hall also has.

· Although lofting your bed provides ample additional seating, do you really want that one kid with the Oedipus complex and the athlete’s foot coming to hang around all the time in your ‘extra space?’

· You will have a much longer fall when you quake uncontrollably during a catastrophic nightmare of having to eat alone in the caf, and you’ll probably bleed out

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