Family Weekend: Fake It ‘Till They Leave

As the first month of classes come to a close and the leaves slowly turn to a burnt, rustic orange, parents from all across the nation make the annual pilgrimage to Worcester, MA. Eager to see their children after four long weeks of separation, parents have great expectations for their young Clarkies, as well as for Clark itself.

In turn, Clark is just as eager to meet parents’ expectations. Throughout the week preceding family weekend, students couldn’t help but notice the arrival of fresh, luscious AstroTurf waiting to be rolled out on the Green. Admissions workers ironed their suits and the Caf salad bar grew ten-fold, all gearing up for a weekend chock full of meaningful activities and false advertising of Sodexo’s food quality.

The Freudian Slip had the chance to interview Julianna Wood (’19) to discuss her hopes for the weekend. “I really just want my parents to buy me food, maybe go to Ikea, and not attend any of the planned events,” Wood stated, “But my parents really want to hang out in Worcester and go to the morning yoga classes in Bickman…how do I nicely say ‘fuck that’?”

The Slip also spoke with the coordinators of Family Weekend, who earlier in the week released a statement via email asking students to “Please for god’s sake do not smoke the marijuana in your room this weekend, and please, PLEASE, keep the rap music to a minimum. Also it wouldn’t kill you to make an insightful comment about social justice and the benefits of LEEP, just saying…”.

The Family Weekend coordinators refused to comment on the alleged email, but were more than willing to discuss the highly advertised and anticipated Family Weekend-Elevated Training 5k Obstacle ‘Mom, Dad, Mud, and Me!’ Course. “The goal of this weekend is to get students and parents enjoying their time together while exploring Clark and the surrounding neighborhoods of Worcester,” So, naturally, a messy, muddy, extremely challenging and off-campus Elevated Training 5k Obstacle Course is the perfect marriage of all expectations and intentions of the weekend.

Family Weekend begins Friday, September 18th and lasts until Sunday, the 20th. The Freudian Slip encourages all its readers out there to please lounge on the Green on your picnic blankets, look hip, play some Frisbee while blasting your alternative tunes with your coed and incredibly diverse friend group, keep the smoking to a minimum, and have a great Family Weekend!

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