Senate Republicans Introduce Bid to Rename Hawaii

Capitol Hill: In a bizarre exemplification of American politics, Senate Republicans, led by Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), recently introduced a bill that would rename the tropical state of Hawaii to Kenya.

Senator Graham told The Freudian Slip, “You see, if Führer Obama is allowed to change the American Mt. McKinley to the communist mud pile ‘Mount Denali’, then we should be allowed to change Hawaii to Kenya.”

When asked about his thoughts on the bill, President Obama stated, “With all due respect, I believe that it is obvious that this effort is a blatant attempt to make my birthplace Kenya.”

Senator Graham passionately denied this claim, alleging that he didn’t need to change Obama’s birthplace because “That Red was already born in Kenya,”

. However, Graham’s reassurance was recently negated by an email leaked to the infamous leakage site- RedTube- on September 18th. The email was sent from an address associated with House Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), and appears to confirm opposition claims of the bill’s true nature.

The email read as follows: “So let me get this straight...you want to rename Hawaii… change it to Kenya… so that you can accurately say that President Obama was born in Kenya?”

The Freudian Slip is able to confirm the validity of the email. The email included Representative McConnell’s IP address, social security number, Batman Fan Club serial number, and a selfie in which he was holding a sign that said “Yoooo this legit is Mitch, you bitch!”

Despite the recent scandals and revelations, the GOP continues to drum up support for the bill. Meanwhile, Hawaiians from across the archipelago have expressed concern over mainland motivations for renaming the state.

David Ige, Governor of Hawaii and fierce ukuleleist , told The Freudian Slip, “I see no merit to renaming my great state. We have been Hawaii, we are Hawaii, and we will continue to be Hawaii. I do not know why Senators in the continental US want to change our name to that of a country that already exists, but I will not allow it.”.

Ige is not alone in his dissent. A poll administered to 3,000 Hawaiians via coconut reportedly asked: “Would you be okay with Hawaii’s name being changed to Kenya?” The survey office received 4,000 coconuts back, each one bearing the word “NO” on it.

Despite native resistance to the plan, the GOP is optimistic about the bill passing in early December. President Obama has promised to ‘with all due respect, civilly sign a veto for whatever appears on his desk,’ in a statement from the White House. Whatever the case, it is certain that this incident is another reflection of America’s toxic political climate.

#Global