First-Year Psych Major Actually Has Plans For After Graduation

Melanie Castro (‘19), a first-year at Clark, revealed shocking information last Thursday evening while sitting at dinner with some fellow students from her Psychology 101 class. Much to the shock of those around her, Castro revealed that she actually knows what she wants to do with her psych degree. Castro said that after completing her education at Clark, she would like to apply for positions at local high schools as a guidance counselor.

Castro told The Freudian Slip,“I’ve always wanted to help kids plan their futures. I think it would be really rewarding and fun.” The idea of actually having one’s shit together is unprecedented among students at Clark, and many of Castro’s peers felt the mood at the table quickly shift to uncomfortable. Castro’s friend David Grayson (‘19) told The Freudian Slip, “I had never seen anyone do that before. It was just really weird, I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at her the same now that I know this disturbing fact about her.”

Another of Castro’s classmates described her as “slightly off putting. I feel very unsure of myself when I’m around her. I mean, we can’t all set attainable goals for our future and take actual steps to achieve them. What she’s doing is just ridiculous. It’s scaring everyone and I wish she would stop.”

The Freudian Slip has also uncovered that Castro is very firm on her plan, having discussed it with her academic advisor and started researching necessary steps to achieve this goal. The Freudian Slip has confirmed that this is, in fact, not a plan told to her parents so they will still foot the bill for spring semester.

To combat the panic felt by students after hearing Castro’s news, President Angel held an emergency assembly to address student concerns. He stated, “Clark has always welcomed those who are different. We understand that what Melanie is doing makes some of you uncomfortable, and it is certainly something not often seen here on campus, but please try to be accepting.” President Angel also plans to hold emergency office hours on October 1st from 10:35 to 10:40. He told The Freudian Slip, “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help.”

Until further notice, The Freudian Slip urges its readers to give Castro a wide berth on campus. There is no telling what someone like her is capable of.

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