Raccoon Families Living at the Dolan Request More Night Games

The Clark University Athletic Department received a petition last Thursday requesting the addition of more night games to the current athletic schedule. This petition was reportedly signed by 45 of the raccoons living at the Dolan.

The exact details of the petition have yet to be released, but The Freudian Slip has been able to reach many of the raccoon families living at the Dolan for comment on the subject. “All we want is more things to do at night with the cubs,” stated Tom Donovan, a father of three, “We wake up each day at sunset, and by then we have missed all of the fun things that goes on during the day at the Dolan!”

The common consensus among the raccoon families appeared to be that there are not enough things going on at the Dolan at night. “I can only imagine what the Dolan must be like during the day,” Meghan Butler’s oldest cub told The Freudian Slip, “I bet each game has like a carnival or something to go with it. I really wish we raccoons could have as much fun here as humans.”

The raccoon families living at the Dolan have theorized dozens of events that they have missed out on. An elderly raccoon grandmother told The Freudian Slip the story of how she missed Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction during the halftime show of Clark’s Championship Soccer Game in 2004 because it was during the day.

“Look at all of these expensive lights here on the turf!” exclaimed one of the many raccoons that live at the Dolan, “We could easily have just as much fun at night as during the day!”

The Freudian Slip just didn’t have the heart to break it to them.

#Sports