Clark Student Decides Against Telling His Penis What It’s in for Tonight

With today’s weather forecast suggesting 53 degrees and rain by 6 o’clock, Clark University student, Travis Greenwood (’19), reportedly decided against telling his penis what it’s in for tonight at SARC’s Nearly Naked Mile.

Greenwood justified his decision in an interview with The Freudian Slip, during which he made it clear that simply not running around in the rain in his underwear was out of the question, “The run raises awareness for such an important social problem. The question wasn’t whether or not I should go, but whether or not I should tell my penis that it will very likely shrivel into nonexistence.”

Greenwood made sure to note that this one isolated incident of keeping his penis in the dark will not threaten the sanctity of their relationship in the future. However, The Freudian Slip’s resident psychologists have analyzed Greenwood’s relationship with his penis and have unanimously decided that it is doomed to fail. “If Greenwood’s penis ever finds out that he knows the danger he’s putting it in at the Nearly Naked Mile, things would be done in a heartbeat.” They concluded, “The level of physical trauma that Greenwood is putting his penis through tonight is simply unhealthy.”

#Local