Olivia Barksdale Enjoys Mimicking Human Behaviors When She Isn’t Being a Goal Scoring Machine

In a recent interview with The Freudian Slip, first-year goal scoring machine Olivia Barksdale revealed that she enjoys mimicking human behavior when she isn’t playing field hockey.

The Freudian Slip was initially unsure of how a meeting with such a specifically-designed robot would go, but after the powering-on process completed, it became obvious that Barksdale’s Trilinos 300FJX data processing software was capable of far more than just scoring goals. Apparently, Barksdale quickly became bored with completely baffling those watching her every game, and began attempting to replicate human interactions to keep fully occupied.

The model 13.2.0 Westford goal scoring machine has made significant progress on this social objective, in addition to beating opposing keepers a team-high 12 times this season. According to Barksdale, the best way to learn how to mimic human behavior is by observing people in the cafeteria. “Sometimes people laugh loudly with each other in groups, other times they ignore their roommate and play on their phone, and occasionally they just sit alone and shovel food into their mouths. I can now pretend to do all of these same things.”

The Freudian Slip was specifically impressed with the machine’s sarcastic sense of humor, which generated the response ‘I was Time Magazine’s Person of the Year in 2006’ when prompted to say a fun fact about herself.

The Field Hockey Team’s last home game is Saturday, October 31st at 1 pm, and Olivia Barksdale not only wants everyone to come because she is also programmed to promote attendance, but also because her social experiment is learning to love, and would like some options to start with.

*This article has been written with the consent of Olivia Barksdale, who also wants you to know that she likes turtles.

#Sports