Undeclared Sophomore Reads Camus, Experiences Existential Crisis

Friends of undeclared sophomore Jacob Graveson (‘18) have been very concerned about him since, for the past week, Graveson hasn’t been showing up to class, wasn’t answering his friends’ texts, and hasn’t downloaded the new Bumble app like everyone else.

Professor John Barry of the Philosophy Department, Graveson’s Faculty Advisor, said that since his first semester, Graveson was incredibly uncertain about his academic route, which led to his breakdown.

Upon further investigation, The Freudian Slip discovered that Graveson had been reading The Stranger by Albert Camus and was showing signs of moving on to Sartre, all because he was stuck in the confusing abbis that is sophomore year. Prof. Barry said that “Once he started reading, he couldn’t help but facing the cruel meaninglessness of his existence, and of the liberal arts system that forced him to pick a general interest.”

His professor, Jacqueline Mankiw of the English Department, said that Graveson had shown little interest in the class and explicitly told her that he chose to take it “just because”. However, he became really enthusiastic when class discussion began to focus on the existentialists.

She elaborated that in the literary community, Camus is considered “a gateway philosopher” to harder, more extreme existential novelists. And Graveson is showing little sign of recovery.

When asked about the situation, Graveson said, “Isn’t college just a Sisyphean nightmare? Am I not just another helpless soul rolling up the burdensome rock of my GPA, only to see it plummet at the very end of the semester?”

Graveson continued to incoherently babble on for another 30 minutes without any questions being asked.

Since Graveson’s crisis began last week he has been EMSed on three separate occasions due to Netflix-induced Weary Eye Syndrome (WES).

Some, like Mankiw, say that Graveson is taking the school of thought seriously by exploring its philosophical roots, such as Heidegger and even Kierkegaard. However, the Dean of Students says that his unorthodox approach to learning is, “Challenging convention a little too much for our taste. I mean, he could just pick a major and then change it like a million times.”

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