Bullock Orgies are Back, and Sweatier than Ever

Back in 2013, there were an alleged string of orgies that occurred in Bullock Hall. Much to students’ dismay, the orgies started and ended with the class of 2017. Or so they thought…

The Freudian Slip reports: Due to the growing sexual frustration among first-years, Choices—Clark University’s safe sex organization—decided to organize a group orgy in each of the freshman dorms, plus one in Dodd “just for kicks” said President Michael “Mike” Ockhurts (’17).

The Freudian Slip investigated these convention-challenging initiatives by asking several first-years about their involvement in the program. Matthew Graham (’19) explained to The Freudian Slip in an exclusive interview, “Every dorm room got an invitation slipped under their door, claiming that it was an opportunity to relieve the ‘throbbing stress’ in our lives. With a date, a time, and a password, most students were eager to find a way to *coughs* release themselves, if you know what I mean…”

Like Graham, other students were obviously excited about this (literal) get-together. On the night of the actual event, Choices made sure that all of the students were safe and comfortable. A Choices representative was quoted asking, “Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom?”

The first orgy was reportedly such a success that Choices is considering making them a bi-weekly occurrence, or even making them an option for an RA Program. The Freudian Slip will keep readers updated on the status of the legendary “Bullock Orgies” as well as all other bodily functions associated with the event.