Congress to Release its Own Brand Name Lube

Washington D.C: Rarely do politics and sex share the same marketing spheres. However, much to the surprise and pleasure of the American people, the 114th Congress of the U.S. recently released its own sexual lubricant.

“Congressional Jelly” comes in a small tube decorated with the colors of the American flag and bears an eagle on its label. Each tube will cost $9.99 and will be found in stores across the country.

Prototypes of the product have received positive reviews from various consumer groups. A representative from the Better Business Bureau told The Freudian Slip, ”The lube had a satisfying effect during use, but left a somewhat unique smell after the deed was done.”

When asked for the motivations of releasing this product, House Speaker Mitch McConnell (R-KY) gave the following statement:

“We made our very own lube so that it would be easier to fuck the American people.”