Donald Trump in Search of New Toupee - Squirrel Deported

There was a shocking lack of movement on Donald Trump’s head in the latest Republican debate on October 28th, 2015. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the squirrel that usually resides on top of the billionaire’s scalp was deported for being an undocumented Mexican immigrant. This forced Trump to improvise by using hair from Jeb Bush’s shower drain.

“The deportation is really disappointing, especially to the Donald,” a spokesperson for Trump told The Freudian Slip, “Pablo was supposedly an American treasure, and now Donald just feels betrayed. He had no idea Pablo was Mexican. There were no clues.” It should be noted that Pablo the squirrel spoke fluent Spanish and took a day off every year for Mexican Independence Day.

The Donald is currently taking applications for a new toupee, commenting that “Jeb Bush doesn’t have as much hair as it seems.”

“There are a few candidates,” his spokesperson told The Freudian Slip. “There’s a really nice raccoon, a chipmunk or two, another squirrel... But Donald is really insistent we check their birth certificates this time. You can never be too sure.”

Meanwhile, Ted Cruz has vowed to make Pablo his running mate should he receive the Republican nomination.

#Global