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ID Major Shamefully Supports UN

  • Maddy Doyle
  • Nov 3, 2015
  • 2 min read

After reading the 17 Sustainable Development Goals set forth by the UN, Sequoya Smith (‘17) admitted that he “thought they were a solid plan.” When friends laughed at his statement, thinking it a joke, Smith began to doubt himself and his entire upbringing. In an exclusive interview with The Freudian Slip, Smith admitted, “As a child, I always thought that my home country- the United States of America - did everything right.”

Smith became emotional recounting one particular memory at the Epcot Center in Walt Disney World,

“I tried all of the food and saw all of these happy countries, and I realized that the Earth has so few problems. I decided then that I would study something to solve the few problems that we do have….When I read the UN’s goals, I realized that they are exactly what we need. Yeah, let’s ‘end poverty in all its forms everywhere!’ I am so glad they put it so simply, because how hard could it be?”

Later in the interview, Smith revealed the pain he felt when his friends laughed at his admiration for the Development Goals. “I mean…the UN is just trying to help. What’s their problem? Obviously, if the UN says something, they’re gonna make it happen. And people are gonna listen, because it’s the UN, right?” Smith’s eyes began to water, “People just laugh at me, disagree, or say that I’m ‘sheltered.’ I mean, I thought Clark was a really liberal school. We’re in Worcester! That’s, like, the edgiest and scariest city in New England, right? And I’m totally cool with that. I walk to Acoustic Java all the time.”

Smith seemed confused when The Freudian Slip asked him about the potential problems with the incredibly vague and broad goals set forth by the UN. “What do you mean they might be unachievable? The UN wouldn’t just say this stuff. Plus, we have 15 years to achieve these goals. I’ve been in school that long and look how much I’ve learned.”

When asked about how the seemingly impossible standards set by the Goals should be reached, Smith adamantly told The Freudian Slip “The UN will do it. They have money and resources and stuff. Plus, corporations and world leaders will help because they have been helping for a really long time by building factories and trading and stuff.”

At the end of the interview, Smith revealed that due to the many negative reactions towards the Goals at Clark University and the negative responses he has received when advocating for the UN, he will be reconsidering his enrollment at Clark. “This is clearly not a very accepting and politically involved college. Categorizing goals is totally something we do here.”

 
 
 

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Hipster Quote of the Week:

The message at the end of “The Tortoise and the Hare” isn’t that ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but actually a well-remembered quote from the 1977 Disney classic “A New Hope”: “Great kid! Don’t get cocky”. Bullshit that the hare was gonna lose that race if he didn’t choose to stop for a nap and a snack and whatever else he did. Bullshit that the tortoise was going to catch up in any capacity if the hare didn’t slow down for him. Maybe that platitude makes sense, but definitely not in this situation.

 

A race is a sheer contest of speed. No other skills go into that. The tortoise and the hare aren’t making miniature wooden horses and getting judged on the craftsmanship of their products alongside their finish time; they are moving from one point to another. In no universe does slow and steady win that race. Slow and steady wins no races, except for races where the point is to go as slow as possible. Even in cases where slow and steady could be considered a possible alternative to fast, such as the aforementioned miniature-wooden-horse-making competition, someone who can do similar quality work at a much faster pace still wins that competition.

 

Slow and steady does not win the race. Not being too full of yourself does.."

 

~Nick Gilfor

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