GOP Appeals to Youth by Offering Free Myspace Accounts

It is a well known fact that the Republican Party struggles to connect with young voters. Their frustration came to peak in a fit of jealousy last night. The candidates were seen stamping their feet, crossing their arms, and shouting things like“That’s not fair! Why do they get all the young voters?” Since the episode, they have decided to take matters into their own hands.In an attempt to be more relatable and in touch with younger voters, the RNC has released a statement saying that free MySpace accounts would be offered to anyone aged 18-25 who votes Republican.

Ben Carson deemed this idea to be the GOP’s “best ever” in a carrier pigeon (Carson’s most modern method of communication) in a statement which was sent from his campaign headquarters.

The candidates are very proud of this idea, although none of them could seem to produce an explanation to their more fiscally conservative wing for just how they were going to pay for all of this free stuff they’re giving out.

However, in an exclusive interview with The Freudian Slip, presidential candidate John Kasich said, “I’m not actually a huge fan of this idea. I personally see social media as the root of all evil. It’s ruining the minds of our children and young people everywhere. I have nightmares about being poked on Facebook. I think it will cause more problems, and I would necessarily list problem solving as any of our strengths.” Kasich then started to leave but then rushed back and added, “Please don’t tell Trump, he’ll fire me and call me stupid, my fragile self-esteem will crumble.”

The new giveaway is expect to start next month and will continue throughout the entirety of the 2016 elections.