How to Survive Winter in New England

Here at the Freudian Slip, we want you to be safe throughout all seasons of the year. We understand that this becomes more difficult as the temperature drops to below zero and the snow begins to pile up, so we’ve got all the advice you need to stay alive this season.

1. Give Up Now While You’re Ahead.

Drop out, go home, run away from the snow and back your sunny homes before the entire region is shut down and no flights can leave because WINTER IS COMING, YOU AREN’T READY, AND THIS WILL BE TERRIBLE. Students everywhere are fleeing due to the recent frigid temperatures, so forget your individuality and do exactly what everyone else is doing

2. Lock Yourself In Your Room and Hibernate

Getting a good night’s sleep is essential to living a healthy life, so just extend that night until March (or maybe April, depending on the extremely educated rodent our universal forecast wholeheartedly believes in and relies on). Just email your professors and say you overslept, it’s not a lie.

3. Suppress All Feelings of Joy Until the Sun Returns

Happiness and Joy are very dangerous in the cold winter weather of New England, and have been shown to be susceptible to frostbite and imminent death. It is safer just to bottle these delicate feelings up until the sun returns and brings life back to this region the planet (Again, March-April. We’ll keep you posted).

And most importantly, remember to have fun! (Because we won’t be having fun. We will have frostbite.) Remind yourself when you feel random bursts of joy, happiness distracts from the dangerous cold. Don’t inflict frostbite on yourself because you think something is funny! Wear greys, contemplate life, and break out your thrifted but never read copies of The Bell Jar and collection of Emily Dickinson’s poems.

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