Prospective Gets EMS’d after walking through Wright Boys’ Hallway

Clark University is facing a lawsuit by the parents of prospective student Avi Cato (Potential class of ‘20). The recruit was being shown Wright Hall by resident, and host for the night, Isabela Candbisque, ‘19.

The incident occurred after the recruit simply walked past the male wing on the first floor of Wright Hall. The combined effects of five day old Wings Over Worcester and fungal stink caused her to lose consciousness, according to EMS personnel. Cato sustained additional injuries after hitting her head on the wall on her way down, but was efficiently EMS’d and transported to UMass Memorial Hospital for treatment of a minor concussion, all before 9 pm.

Cato was quick to criticize the University through a post-trip survey. “As a prospective student, I was excited to see the inner workings of Clark University. Little did I know, the first floor of Wright would cut my trip short and send me home with a head injury. I will definitely not be applying early action anymore, and have already planned to request Dodd Hall for residence. Absolutely shocking!”

In an interview with The Slip, Candbisque expressed her regret, “I wish that I had requested Johnson Sanford Center for residence. I hear it smells super naturey there.” When asked about the recruit, Candbisque hesitated before solemnly replying, “I’m glad the injury occurred fairly early, there’s always an EMS traffic jam around 1 am on Saturday nights.”

President David Angel could be reached for comment and released the following statement. “I do hope that the parents of Avi Cato could have attended the Forum on Affordability we had earlier this year. They would know that with deals like this, you don’t need a lawsuit to afford Clark University!”

#Local