The Freudian Slip’s Guide To Being Sexiled

As the seal of awkward silence is slowly broken between you and your new roommate, you may suddenly find yourself politely, yet forcibly evicted from your new home and forced to aimlessly wander around campus while your roommate spends some quality time with the girl from the 4th floor. Here at The Freudian Slip we want you to experience the finest of comforts during your sexile, we’ll tell you the best places to go, and the worst.

Your Friends Room

Probably right down the hall and a space where you already feel comfortable. Plus the added bonus of bonding time and lifelong memories to look back on once you realize that this was your peak 30 years from now.

Comfort: 9/10

Accessibility: 10/10

Ambiance: varies.

Acoustic Java

Acoustic Java will most likely be closed when thrust from the comforts of your room. While at first disappointed, you will soon be relieved you didn’t end up spending $10 for a damn coffee and snack.

Comfort: 4/10

Accessibility: 0/10

Ambiance: 12/10

5th floor of the library

Some goddamn peace and quiet.

Comfort: 7/10

Accessibility: 5/10

Ambiance: 6/10

Dolan Field House

The Dolan offers plenty of space to contemplate life and, wait, was that a racoon?

Comfort: 3/10

Accessibility: 2/10

Ambiance: 4/10

Atwood Hall

Attwood Hall offers lots of space for you during your stay, although it gains major points in the creepy department. However, it gives you an opportunity to focus on something other than the actually scary parts of your life, like finals.

Comfort: 5/10

Accessibility: 9/10

Ambiance: 4/10

Harrington House

President David Angel holds a yearly dinner party at his house for those lucky students enrolled in his first year intensive. A little known fact is that he is actually this hospitable all the time! So go ahead, knock on his door at 2 a.m., he loves getting to know his students!

Comfort: 9/10

Accessibility: 4/10

Ambiance: 7/10

The Lounge near your room where you can somehow still hear your roommate banging

Ew.

Comfort: 6/10

Accessibility: 10/10

Ambiance: 0/10

Hacienda Don Juan

You’re still spicing up your life like your roommate, just in a different way. Fill the romantic void in your life with delicious burritos.

Comfort: 6/10

Accessibility: 1/10

Ambiance: 7/10

A Political Rally

If you’re already out of your room, might as well enforce your liberal agenda to keep you busy. Plus people pass out at those things all the time, so no one will even notice if you’re sleeping. Pro tip: go to a Lincoln Chafee rally for extra space during your stay!

Comfort: 2/10

Accessibility: 0/10

Ambiance: 4/10

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