top of page
Search

Beekeeping or Quarterbacks? The Dirty Secrets of Clark's Bee-keeping Club

  • Charlotte Fenton
  • Oct 6, 2016
  • 2 min read

Special Investigative Report

Wondering why Bullock hall is overpopulated with naked men? Why the same guy is outside JSC every night at 1AM skidding across the green on a skateboard? One can probably make the connection with the influx of jocks this year that some coaches operated as admissions officers. Research by The Freudian Slip supports strong evidence that these coaches could only accept a limited amount of students on a basis of their physical capabilities, and therefore admitted various students on a ground of their “appreciation of the outdoors.” These particularly environmentally conscious students, by association of course, would be prone to joining the Beekeeping club.

After weeks of investigation and undercover swatting, The Freudian Slip has discovered that the newly started beekeeping club is actually, contrary to popular belief, a collegiate level football team. A football field has been uncovered within the claimed “ten minutes off campus” the so called “community garden” is.

Brad Bradly (‘20), member of the alleged club told The Freudian Slip, “Yeah. I love bees. They do great with photosynthesis.” Whether Bradly actually knows the process of photosynthesis is unknown. However, it is clear that the members of the club have been trained remain undiscovered at all costs.

Peer Advisor Tiffany Stevensons (‘17) told the Freudian Slip, “I never understood why Clark didn’t have a football team. Now they do apparently and I can’t even go to the games.” When questioned further about the case she spoke to us in a hushed voice, “We went in a circle saying our names and our favorite thing to do in our free time and one of the freshman said ‘colony collapse,’ what does that even mean?”

The beekeeping club has mysteriously called off meetings the past two weeks in Jonas Clark and promises to take the students to the visit the hives next club meeting. Keep your eyes and ears open Clarkies, that buzzing may actually be a call for a passing play.

 
 
 

Comments

Featured Posts
Recent Posts
Archive
Search By Tags
Follow Us
  • Facebook Basic Square
  • Twitter Basic Square
  • Google+ Basic Square

Hipster Quote of the Week:

" The message at the end of “The Tortoise and the Hare” isn’t that ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but actually a well-remembered quote from the 1977 Disney classic “A New Hope”: “Great kid! Don’t get cocky”. Bullshit that the hare was gonna lose that race if he didn’t choose to stop for a nap and a snack and whatever else he did. Bullshit that the tortoise was going to catch up in any capacity if the hare didn’t slow down for him. Maybe that platitude makes sense, but definitely not in this situation.

 

A race is a sheer contest of speed. No other skills go into that. The tortoise and the hare aren’t making miniature wooden horses and getting judged on the craftsmanship of their products alongside their finish time; they are moving from one point to another. In no universe does slow and steady win that race. Slow and steady wins no races, except for races where the point is to go as slow as possible. Even in cases where slow and steady could be considered a possible alternative to fast, such as the aforementioned miniature-wooden-horse-making competition, someone who can do similar quality work at a much faster pace still wins that competition.

 

Slow and steady does not win the race. Not being too full of yourself does.."

 

~Nick Gilfor

bottom of page