Student Forgets Headphones; Dies

On the first day back from fall break, Goddard Library is typically filled with rambunctious, stressed students who neglected to finish their homework over the long weekend.

Zachary Lazo (‘19) was one of these poor, unfortunate, procrastinating souls. “I just wanted to finish my psychology paper on the third floor where I always do my best work” a line from the late Lazo’s obituary stated. It looks like Lazo will be doing much more work in the God’s basement from now on.

Lazo’s peers were some of the lucky ones. Jeffrey Broos (‘19), a close friend of Lazo, told The Freudian Slip, “We snagged some dope high chairs and we were really getting into the meat of our papers. Then his ears started to bleed.” Broos started to get teary-eyed, “I heard the question, “How was your break?” so many times I had to just open up the old Spotify and listen to some Adele, but Zach didn’t have any buds. I should have known… I should have been more patient… I should have known he wouldn’t make it...”

The Freudian Slip would have known that no one - no one - can truly survive the library without some sick beats.

Soon after, Lazo was reported to keel over and die. EMS responders were moments too late and are now also listening to Adele because they feel sad. Lazo’s memorial service will take place on October 23rd, in the AC.

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