Student Gets Run Over by Passing Skateboarder (Again)

Clark University’s The Freudian Slip sat down this past week for an exclusive interview with senior Braden Kern. Kern made headlines this past week after she was run over by a passing skateboarder while trying to Instagram a picture of that goddamn tree outside of Bullock.

When asked, Kern commented “I’m not sure why this keeps happening to me, I keep going to take the picture every day around 4:20pm and always get clipped by a random skater.” Kern started to softly weep, “he didn’t even say ‘on your left’ and I somehow got a burn from his hand rolled cigarette”. After inquiring if there were any witness’ to the multiple incidents, she remembered noticing “A random boy wearing a hat filming his friend on an iPhone 4.”

When asked for comment, UP said there was nothing to be done at the time, as the skater kick flipped away too quickly for them to catch him, but that they were considering installing skateboard racks outside the UC to manage increasing levels of skaters at Clark.

An edited Instagram video that went viral amongst the Clark community tipped investigators off as to the identity of the perpetrator. The video included several references to the incident, including the title “basic bitch gets pwned” accompanied by the sweet melodies of an unnamed, underground, under appreciated, and overly egotistical Soundcloud rapper.

The Freudian Slip strongly advises readers to take out headphones while walking through Red Square and to stay on the left side of the sidewalk—it’s a dangerous world out there!

#Local