Student Report: Looking at the Gym Makes Me Feel Bad About Myself

The Freudian Slip has spent a significant amount of time in the gym over the past few weeks to talk to some of the more athletic Clarkies on campus, and has gathered some surprising information about the students who use the facilities. Many interviews have revealed some of the insecurities students feel looking at the college gym. Harry Harrison (‘18) led our reporter on an exclusive tour of the area in and outside of the Kneller Athletic Center. His pace was brisk, and his immaculate Nike Pros hinted at swiping right while using the stationary bikes.

As he walked, Harrison had an almost constant commentary. “For real, man, look at those windows. I wish I could be that transparent about my intentions. Look at that roof. It really knows how to reach peaks. Look at those treadmills. They know how to make things move quickly. Look at that room. It attracts so many good-looking people. Look at that thermostat. This place doesn’t even try, and it is so hot. No, really dude. I’m sweating. Look at those weights. They really know how to make people grunt. Look at those shorts. Nice ass.”

The tour through the Kneller ended by the water bottle filling station, where Harrison sadly shook his head. “Look at that fountain. It really knows how to attract thirsty people. I just feel so bad about myself, because the Kneller is really on top of everything.”

For many students, the athletic center is a beacon of self-deprecation and doubt. Harry Harrison is one of that population, and “it just sucks, bro.” I mean, how can you compete with that immaculate architecture?

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