Donald Trump says “Crooked Hillary is a Witch” in exclusive Interview

After a game of cat-and-mouse that has lasted many months, The Freudian Slip finally managed to track down Donald Trump for an interview on Monday. He was in the amphibian section of a Petco in Auburn, Massachusetts, looking at the newts.

The Freudian Slip: Mr. Trump, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Donald Trump: Yes I mind.

Slip: I don’t mean to be a bother, but we really are just looking for something inflammatory to put on the headline.

Trump: Oh, well in that case, buckle up, ‘cause I’ve been sitting on something yuge.

Slip: *buckles up*

Trump: Do you see these newts?

[The Freudian Slip nods]

These little guys are a few dozen of my supporters. Hillary has slowly been turning them into newts. I realized this on Halloween. I was trying to figure out how Hillary has been pulling away from me in the polls. I knew it couldn’t be that I was losing supporters, since I make each and every one of them pinky-promise me their vote, and I knew she couldn’t be gaining more supporters because of how badly I beat her in the last debate. I was thinking about this as I handed out candy to hundreds of trick-or-treaters dressed as magical beings, and I realized there must be a third possibility. That was when it hit me: Crooked Hillary is a witch.

Slip: What would you like your supporters to do with this information?

Trump: I’m not going to say burn her at the stake, but if I were a voter I would definitely call for her to be burned at the stake. I’m talking 1692 Salem style.

Slip: Okay, thank you. That should be enough for a headline.

Trump: Yeah, anytime.

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