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Pentagon Sees No Problem with Arming Freedom Fighters to Fight Terrorists

  • Paul Dante Frissora
  • Dec 2, 2016
  • 1 min read

Washington DC: In a statement released by John O. Brennan, director of the CIA, the Pentagon has officially declared that it sees no problem with arming freedom fighters in order to combat terrorism.

“We see no reason to believe that arming freedom fighters will backfire in anyway,” said the director in the statement. “After poring over decades of American foreign policy, we have seen no patterns whatsoever in US foreign involvement that would indicate that arming the enemies of our enemies has any negative consequences.”

This position has received near unanimous support from the intelligence community and the civilian public together, with outspoken support coming from both parties.

On the other side of the world, militant groups who are set to receive weapons, funding, and training from the CIA have expressed their approval at the plans.

“We here in the PUK are wholly in favor of the West’s tactic to strategically enhance our ability to fight. We definitelyyyyyyyyyyyyyy won’t radicalize in 10-20 years and become the ideological and military enemy of the Western world. That would be preposterous,” said a spokesman for the PUK. Said rebel group is working to fight terror threats in the Middle East including ISIS, who have been terrorizing vast regions of Iraq and Syria in past years, harkening back to the heroism of the Mujahideen, the group of freedom fighters who worked covertly with the US to combat the USSR throughout the 1980s.

 
 
 

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Hipster Quote of the Week:

The message at the end of “The Tortoise and the Hare” isn’t that ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but actually a well-remembered quote from the 1977 Disney classic “A New Hope”: “Great kid! Don’t get cocky”. Bullshit that the hare was gonna lose that race if he didn’t choose to stop for a nap and a snack and whatever else he did. Bullshit that the tortoise was going to catch up in any capacity if the hare didn’t slow down for him. Maybe that platitude makes sense, but definitely not in this situation.

 

A race is a sheer contest of speed. No other skills go into that. The tortoise and the hare aren’t making miniature wooden horses and getting judged on the craftsmanship of their products alongside their finish time; they are moving from one point to another. In no universe does slow and steady win that race. Slow and steady wins no races, except for races where the point is to go as slow as possible. Even in cases where slow and steady could be considered a possible alternative to fast, such as the aforementioned miniature-wooden-horse-making competition, someone who can do similar quality work at a much faster pace still wins that competition.

 

Slow and steady does not win the race. Not being too full of yourself does.."

 

~Nick Gilfor

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