President Trump Transformed into Toad, FBI investigating

According to recent memos leaked to the public, President Donald J. Trump was mysteriously transformed into a toad. These memos, which come from a verifiable source, were reportedly relayed between the FBI, CIA, and Secret Service, who were trying to organize a plan to address the President's mysterious transformation.

Mr. Trump, pre-toad.

The memos state that at 6 am on February 24th, the President had still not woken up. When Secret Service agents knocked on the door, they only heard croaking. When the door opened they were greeted by a toad wearing ridiculously oversized pajamas.

One of the memos, which was sent from the Pentagon, expressed concern that the President’s transformation was caused by witches. According to FBI informants and the Huffington Post, the Working Witches Organization has been circulating documents amongst its members that encouraged them to all cast a curse on the President at midnight on the 24th.

When contacted, the organization went on the record to say the following:

“Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

Fillet of a fenny snake,

In the caldron boil and bake;

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,

Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,

Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,

Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,—

For a charm of powerful trouble,

Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

Scale of dragon; tooth of wolf;

Witches' mummy; maw and gulf

Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark;

Root of hemlock digg'd i the dark;

Liver of blaspheming Jew;

Gall of goat, and slips of yew

Sliver'd in the moon's eclipse;

Nose of Turk, and Tartar's lips;

Finger of birth-strangled babe

Ditch-deliver'd by a drab,—

Make the gruel thick and slab:

Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,

For the ingrediants of our caldron.

Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

Cool it with a baboon's blood,

Then the charm is firm and good.”

The Freudian Slip still has not been able to figure out what they meant when they gave said statement, and the Slip’s supernatural correspondent has since come down with a case of bad luck.

As for the President, the White House is expected to deliver a statement in the coming days asking Princesses from around the world to come kiss the toad. In this memo, which was sent from Steve Bannon’s office, the Chief Strategist of the White House expressed that “grabbing Princesses by the pussy would not work, it has to be lip to lip”.

#Global