Higgins Café “Heavenly Dirt” Now To Include Real Dirt

As part of their commitment to “real food,” Clark Dining services announced that starting next semester, the popular dessert “heavenly dirt” will now include real dirt. “We felt that the current ingredients, such as Oreo cookie crumbs and gummy worms, were not sustainable enough,” Clark Dining Services said in a statement. “We believe that our students deserve local, organic soil.” They noted that the dirt will come from ecologically sound sources, and that dirt is a renewable resource. The gummy worms will be replaced with real earthworms, which the community promises to humanely treat. Much of the dirt will be sourced from Clark’s own Freight Farm.

David Wilson, a representative from Sodexo, said that this new recipe will be much healthier. “The old ingredients, such as Oreos and gummy worms, have almost no nutritional value,” Wilson said. “Real, organic soil, on the other hand, contains important nutrients such as iron, zinc, and calcium. In addition, worms contain protein.”

A student from the Food Justice organization at Clark, Anna Scott, told the Freudian Slip, “I’m glad Clark will finally stop making their Heavenly Dirt out of highly processed Oreos, and instead will serve organic dirt from the floor of an old shipping container.”

If this new recipe is successful enough, Sodexo may replace other items at the caf with “real food.” Eventually, they may even put actual egg in their scrambled eggs.

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