Russians Infiltrate Washington Institution

Accusations have emerged that individuals with ties to Russia are heavily involved in one of Washington D.C.’s most important organizations: The Washington Capitals.

A special Freudian Slip investigation revealed that the team’s captain, Alex Ovechkin, was in fact born in Moscow. The investigation also found that Ovechkin’s middle name is “Mikhailovich,” which sounds very Russian. Additionally, the investigators discovered grainy photos from the 2014 Winter Olympics, which appear to show Ovechkin playing for the Team Russia. They also learned that other players, such as Evgeny Kuznetzov and Dmitry Orlov, may be from Russia as well.

Brian MacLellan, the Capitals’ general manager, said, “I didn't have — did not have communications with the Russians.” However, it was revealed that MacLellan had in fact met with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak.

When the investigative team asked the Trump administration to comment on the alleged infiltration of the Capitals, they denied any knowledge of Russian involvement. “I always assumed Ovechkin was Irish. You know, like O’Vetchkin,” said Sean Spicer. Trump appointed billionaire Ted Leonsis to lead an investigation into the Capitals. His pick of Leonsis was controversial because of a potential conflict of interest. Leonsis has a majority stake a number of professional sports teams, including the Washington Capitals.

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