Russian Hackers Caused Our Website to Be Down, Not Us

Upon learning that the domain clarkfreudianslip.com had been down for almost three weeks, the Freudian Slip’s investigative team immediately took action to find the perpetrators. After a quick look into the account history of our website, it became clear that this definitely wasn’t us who caused it. It was Russian hackers.

This information is not a lie to cover up for any alleged mistakes in the bookkeeping, because that’s absolutely not what happened here. Stop accusing us of lying because we’re not. It was actually Russian hackers, their motive was clearly to destabilize Clark University by infiltrating a totally beloved (we’re super popular, much more than the terrible and sad fake news Scarlet publication!) campus magazine and turning the student body against our beloved President Angel. Their end game, according to FBI Director James Comey, was to create enough division on campus that a new DJ on the Green could take advantage of the existing power vacuum and play their own music. Once again, James Comey actually said that, and this is not a lie to cover up for any embarrassing, self-made errors.

This attempted hack of our website is an unacceptable attack on satire and free speech. As such, the Freudian Slip’s e-Board has formally filed a lawsuit against the Russian Federation for their complicity in this cyber attack. Just to be clear, this is not a distraction of any sort. We’re actually suing Russia. Our lawyer is a real lawyer, his name is secret, we can’t tell you his name. That would damage the totally real lawsuit against Russia, obviously. The civil suit will seek damages of $269, which has nothing to do with the $269 domain licensing fee. There’s not even a licensing fee, what are you even talking about?

#Local #Global