New Dorm Plan Features Two Swipes

As the semester starts anew and students flood back into campus life, many have decided to take advantage of the new and revolutionary swipe plan. Starting Fall 2017, Students living in dorms now have the option of the two-swipe system, allowing limited access for a significant decrease in price. As the plan went into effect, Residential Advisors witnessed an increase in break-ins through the basements of Hughes, Dana, and Wright. Some members of the Clark community went for a daring approach in Bullock, sneaking in through University Police and claiming in numerous reports “I left my ID in my room”. While this seems to be a drastic change from unlimited access in the past, the rationale for adjustment is not as bizarre as you may think.

The Freudian Slip managed to get an exclusive interview with the lead architect behind this radical modification, David “Dangel” Angel.

“Here at Clark, we noticed that students like to lounge on the green. We’ve decided to give them the option to sleep out there by limiting the times they can enter their room on a given day” he commented when asked about the new system.

Despite mixed reviews from students and faculty alike, the plan went into motion and the President continued on his merry way. Some claim they even saw a skip in his step as he passed the various tents and sleeping bags scattered about Clarks’ famous and relaxing green.

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