American Vanguard Outraged with Vanguard America and Clark University

The agricultural group, American Vanguard, is planning a march on Red Square to protest being lumped in with those fucking racists. The march is planned to proceed through the entirety of campus, ending at Red Square, so it should last approximately two minutes. The march will likely include signs asserting that it is a micro aggression to reorder words. Political Science majors have predicted that more signs will seek to impeach David Angel, on the basis that he was born of an egg.

President David “Dangel” Angel corrected his original embarrassing fumble, falsely stating in an email to the entire Clark population that American Vanguard (An innocent and uninvolved agricultural organization) was the piece of shit racist organization putting up pathetic stickers around campus in an email to the Clark Community, but the damage was done. Every student who had ever been accused of under proof-reading triumphed in their vindication. American Vanguard was deeply offended by the insinuation that they, an American, rural, flannel wearing, and god-fearing organization could even possibly have leanings such as those held by Vanguard America. Now, white liberal New Englanders must face their worst fear: the invasion of people from rural states.

Clarkies were outraged by the protest because it will interfere with their ability to throw frisbees, study, play quidditch and generally be terrible clichés on the Green. President Angel now regrets supporting that whole “open campus” bit but Clarkies have the screenshots so he has to just let it happen.

#Local