ClarkConnect Draws Criticism for Accidentally Connecting Students to the 10th Plane of Suffering

President Angel’s office was forced to release an official written apology today regarding the growing controversy around ClarkConnect. Launched on October 3rd, the program sought to connect Clark students with Clark alumni. This was in an attempt to foster connections between those ready to take on the real world, and those who already had; according to an email that promoted it.

Although the program started out smoothly, it quickly drew criticism when students who were exposed to it were inadvertently connected to the 10th Plane of Suffering, and forced to endure 10,000 years of punishment at the hands of Beelzebul.

“The problem here is not that students were sent to the 10th Plane of Suffering. In fact, some students even wanted to be connected by blood magic to the 10th Plane of Suffering. The issue that concerns us is that the 10th Plane of Suffering was shoved down our throats by ClarkConnect,” said Connor Walters (‘18), president of the newly formed Students Undermining Clark Connection Committee (S.U.C.C.C).

Following torrents of emails, flyers, and planes that write stuff in the sky, the S.U.C.C.C has been demanding since the 5th of October that President Angel’s office apologize for ClarkConnect shoving the 10th Plane of Suffering down students’ throats.

A week and a half later, President Angel’s office finally released an official statement apologizing to those who were tormented for 10,000 years by causes related to ClarkConnect. The statement also included a warning for students who did not want to be sent to the 10th Plane of Suffering.

“If you are a student who is not comfortable with 10,000 years of punishment and torment, then we advise you to ignore all emails regarding ClarkConnect, if you haven’t ignored all of them already,”

Fortunately, a survey on Diversity and Inclusion of David Angel Emails showed that 75% of students had already ignored that email.

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