Local Woman Takes Joy in Stepping on Crunchy Leaf; Leaf Was Two Days Away From Retirement

With her pumpkin spice caramel cinnamon macchiato latte venti tall espresso chai in hand, wool sweater wrapped warmly around her body; local woman Rae Liotta was reportedly seen enjoying the crisp air of fall on Wednesday morning. Eyewitnesses remarked that Liotta was visibly excited for apple picking, watching scary movies, and cuddling up with a nice mug of hot cocoa when she saw an especially crunchy leaf laying in her path. Moving as swiftly and gracefully as a ballerina, she glided over to it and took great joy in hearing the crunch of the dry red leaf.

In a press conference today, Leaf Commissioner, Phil Chloro, expressed his sadness towards the crunching of Officer Oak, who had been on a routine assignment of blowing listlessly in the wind.

“Those who knew Officer Oak will remember him as a patient, warm, and dutiful individual. What saddens me the most is that he was only two (2) days away from retiring from the force. I’d like to be the first to send my warmest condolences to his branch,” said Chloro from behind an official Leaf Police podium.

Other leaves in Officer Oak’s tree-cinct remember him as a by-the-book cop whose passion for justice was often an attempt to make up for a troubled past.

When Oak’s young, loose cannon partner, Officer Stem, was reached for comment, he too lamented Oak’s untimely passing:

“It’s just so sad that Oak was killed so close to his own retirement.”

Services for Officer Oak will take place on the Green this Saturday at 1:30 p.m, where at least two individuals are expected to watch from a safe distance behind a tree.

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