Local Millennial Cannot Tell If Most Recent T-Shirt Purchase Was Ironic

Barriah Barey, a sophomore at Clark University, recently experienced a bit of an identity crisis when purchasing a shirt at Clark’s very own Thrift Store. Clad in jeans and a sweatshirt with Karl Marx’s face on it, Barey was previously comfortable in the thrift store, idly perusing the racks of clothing. However, upon finding the blue stained T-shirt reading: “I have a phD (pretty huge dick),” Barey was struck with a sudden spout of anxiety.

“If I wear it ironically am I denying that my dick is huge? Because it is, I measured it. I promise,” Barey claimed frantically, rocking back and forth on the floor by the register.

Barey reportedly had been looking for a fun tee to wear to a party hosted by Socialist Alternative. His criteria according to the Facebook event was attire from a thrift store, a goodwill, or an Urban Outfitters with the tag cut off.

Sources have told the Freudian Slip staff that there is no evidence of the size of Barey’s wang doodle but he will definitely be read as a “douchey baseball boy” if seen wearing the shirt unironically.

Barey told reporters that, in his attempts to find an outfit, he was suddenly overjoyed by the concept of a T-shirt that screamed, “my self worth is not defined by what I am wearing, but I am wittier and more original than you.” Unfortunately, the series of events have led Barey to decide to skip the party altogether until he figures himself out.

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