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Turkey Pardoned by Trump Revealed to be Roy Moore in Disguise

  • Paul Dante Frissora
  • Nov 21, 2017
  • 1 min read

WASHINGTON D.C: In what is being called one of the most effective bait-and-switches of all time, it has been revealed that the turkey that was pardoned by Donald Trump on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving was really just Roy Moore in a turkey costume. After saying that the allegations against the former Alabama judge were lies, many political pundits are left wondering if they should have seen this coming.

“Did we expect President Trump, with his own history of sexual assault allegations, to side with Roy Moore? Yes. But did we really expect him to go as far as to dress the man in a turkey costume and pardon him in front of the nation’s media? Never,” said one political science major when approached by The Freudian Slip’s Political Correspondence team.

This bait and switch was exposed after the turkey-pardoning ceremony, when a cell phone video caught the newly-pardoned turkey asking where the turkey eggs were kept. The White House has yet to respond to this new controversy.

 
 
 

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Hipster Quote of the Week:

" The message at the end of “The Tortoise and the Hare” isn’t that ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but actually a well-remembered quote from the 1977 Disney classic “A New Hope”: “Great kid! Don’t get cocky”. Bullshit that the hare was gonna lose that race if he didn’t choose to stop for a nap and a snack and whatever else he did. Bullshit that the tortoise was going to catch up in any capacity if the hare didn’t slow down for him. Maybe that platitude makes sense, but definitely not in this situation.

 

A race is a sheer contest of speed. No other skills go into that. The tortoise and the hare aren’t making miniature wooden horses and getting judged on the craftsmanship of their products alongside their finish time; they are moving from one point to another. In no universe does slow and steady win that race. Slow and steady wins no races, except for races where the point is to go as slow as possible. Even in cases where slow and steady could be considered a possible alternative to fast, such as the aforementioned miniature-wooden-horse-making competition, someone who can do similar quality work at a much faster pace still wins that competition.

 

Slow and steady does not win the race. Not being too full of yourself does.."

 

~Nick Gilfor

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