Jewish Conservatives Complain about War on Hanukah

Once again, the nation’s Jewish conservatives have begun their annual tradition of complaining that Hanukkah is under attack from secular progressives and “political correctness.” Popular radio show host Rush Limbowitz dedicated his show yesterday to the so-called “War on Hannukkah.” He was especially mad at a local bagel shop, Jacob’s Deli, for removing the image of a menorah from their coffee cups and using solid red cups instead.

“These liberals, they’re trying to destroy our Judeo-Christian heritage,” Limbowitz said. “They won’t let us say ‘Happy Chanukkah’ anymore. They won’t let us put up menorahs in front of state capitols without also including Satanist symbols, Festivus poles, and monuments to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.”

We interviewed local old Jewish man and Clark alumnus Mel Kvetcher (‘57) for his opinion on the issue. “Kids these days, they only care about presents. People today have forgotten the original reason why we celebrate Hanuka.” When asked what the original meaning of Channuka was, Kvetcher said he could not remember.

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