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Prophet of a Cashless, Cryptocurrency Future Has No Cash On Him Right Now

  • Paul Dante Frissora
  • Mar 21, 2018
  • 1 min read

In a recent journalistic effort by our financial reporters, it has been unveiled that Tommy Bit, local cryptocurrency enthusiast, has no cash on him right now.

Often seen by other students as a prophet for a cashless future, it was discovered that he was taking advance steps to achieving this when somebody asked if he had the money that they were owed.

“Oh.. uhh.. Sorry.. I don’t have any cash in my physical wallet right now,” Bit was cited as saying when approached.

Regardless of the lack of physical funds that he possesses right now, Bit is an investor for the future. Having stake in .000143 Bitcoin puts him in a scenario of endless possibilities: His .000143 Bitcoin will surely appreciate, and eventually he’ll have enough money to convince his parents that this is a viable currency for the future.

For the time being though, Bit has empty pockets, and will promise to get you that money by next week.

 
 
 

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Hipster Quote of the Week:

" The message at the end of “The Tortoise and the Hare” isn’t that ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but actually a well-remembered quote from the 1977 Disney classic “A New Hope”: “Great kid! Don’t get cocky”. Bullshit that the hare was gonna lose that race if he didn’t choose to stop for a nap and a snack and whatever else he did. Bullshit that the tortoise was going to catch up in any capacity if the hare didn’t slow down for him. Maybe that platitude makes sense, but definitely not in this situation.

 

A race is a sheer contest of speed. No other skills go into that. The tortoise and the hare aren’t making miniature wooden horses and getting judged on the craftsmanship of their products alongside their finish time; they are moving from one point to another. In no universe does slow and steady win that race. Slow and steady wins no races, except for races where the point is to go as slow as possible. Even in cases where slow and steady could be considered a possible alternative to fast, such as the aforementioned miniature-wooden-horse-making competition, someone who can do similar quality work at a much faster pace still wins that competition.

 

Slow and steady does not win the race. Not being too full of yourself does.."

 

~Nick Gilfor

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