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Wild Frisbee Throw Somehow Manages to Break Every Window in Jeff

  • Paul Dante Frissora
  • Apr 25, 2018
  • 1 min read

As Clark’s belated spring begins, students from all over school are joyously convening on the Green and various quads. Unfurling blankets, passing hookahs, and donning garments that aren’t heavy coats, these students are enjoying the newly warm weather to the extent of their abilities.

However, a powder keg erupted today on the Green. A wild Frisbee toss, thrown by junior Kate Kowalski, careened through every window of the Jefferson building, causing thousands of dollars in damages. Onlookers to the scene vividly described how everyone on the Green collectively sucked air through their lips and put their hands on their heads.

Kowalski is expected to show up in in court on Friday to answer for her crimes. Her lawyer, Lionel Lock, has said that her defense will revolve around the wind patterns that day, because “…the wind totally carried that Frisbee away, dude. It was a total accident.”

 
 
 

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Hipster Quote of the Week:

" The message at the end of “The Tortoise and the Hare” isn’t that ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but actually a well-remembered quote from the 1977 Disney classic “A New Hope”: “Great kid! Don’t get cocky”. Bullshit that the hare was gonna lose that race if he didn’t choose to stop for a nap and a snack and whatever else he did. Bullshit that the tortoise was going to catch up in any capacity if the hare didn’t slow down for him. Maybe that platitude makes sense, but definitely not in this situation.

 

A race is a sheer contest of speed. No other skills go into that. The tortoise and the hare aren’t making miniature wooden horses and getting judged on the craftsmanship of their products alongside their finish time; they are moving from one point to another. In no universe does slow and steady win that race. Slow and steady wins no races, except for races where the point is to go as slow as possible. Even in cases where slow and steady could be considered a possible alternative to fast, such as the aforementioned miniature-wooden-horse-making competition, someone who can do similar quality work at a much faster pace still wins that competition.

 

Slow and steady does not win the race. Not being too full of yourself does.."

 

~Nick Gilfor

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