Halloween for Dummies: A Guide from The Freudian Slip

Halloween: a spooky, festive event that is very popular in America. However, not everyone is familiar with the traditions and customs of this ghastly holiday! This informational segment aims to enlighten the otherwise uninformed of the traditions of Halloween. We at The Freudian Slip have done our best to compile a comprehensive guide to the spookiest holiday of the year.

1. Costumes

Typically, you dress up as a character such as a pop culture icon or an obscure character from a stupid show no one’s ever watched. Materials can usually be bought from Halloween stores. These bastions of spooky wonder appear without warning through various means of dark magic at the stroke of midnight on October 1st.

2. Trick-or-Treating

A mainstay of Halloween, trick-or-treating is an annual practice laced with time-honored traditions. A Halloween goer’s main objective for the night is to obtain a bounty of sweets or whatever else can be pillaged from strangers. In costume, one must trespass onto other people’s property and beg the owner of the house for candy. If they refuse or give an unsatisfactory tithe, it is up to the discretion of the trick-or-treater as to how this betrayal of the Old Ways shall be punished.

3. Sexualizing Childhood Icons

This is another staple of Halloween culture that may be rather alarming to an unfamiliar outsider. Every year, both individuals and multinational corporations strip classic children’s characters such as Elsa and Dora the Explorer of their childlike whimsy and fun, and replacing these lovely qualities with an erotic form of nostalgia. While this may be distressing at first, we at The Freudian Slip assure you that this is (unfortunately) a completely normal practice.

We hope that this guide has been informative! This should serve as the definitive tutorial for successfully participating in the spookiest holiday of the year other than Thanksgiving where I am forced to sit at the same table as my racist uncle.

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