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Scary Stories To Tell in the Clark: The Girl

  • Parker Debaryshe, Joshua Canning, LiLi Bourne
  • Oct 29, 2018
  • 2 min read

Jim was your average freshman: young, supple, and anxious about his future. All seemed to be going well during orientation, as he slowly made new friends and joined a few clubs. What a go-getter.

Anyways, a few weeks into the semester,rumors began to spread about screams being heard coming from the basement of Estabrook. Jim laughed it off... at first. Then, night after night, Jim heard whispers coming from just outside his window in Wright Hall, steadily growing louder as the hours passed: “Help me…. HELP ME!”

On the third night, Jim decided he needed to investigate. At midnight, he took his Hello Kitty flashlight, strapped on his fanny pack, and snuck outside to Estabrook, hoping to find answers. Walking down the back staircase, the lights flickered as Jim slowly arrived at an open door. Peering inside, Jim made out the shape of a teenage girl facing the corner of the room.

“What are you doing?” Jim called out. But the girl did not respond.

Jim tried again, asking, “What are you saying?” But still the girl did not respond.

Creeping closer to the figure, Jim slowly placed his hand on the her shoulder, spinning her around. Aside from her tangled hair and bloodshot eyes, Jim noticed a paper in her hands. Pointing his flashlight at the document, Jim let out a blood-curdling scream as he read the terrifying text upon the page:

"President Angel will hold student open office hours today, October 16, from 11:00 am – 12:30 pm in Rm. 202 of the Geography Building. Please stop by to ask questions, make suggestions, or just meet the President. Meetings will be limited to 10 minutes each, and no appointment is necessary."

David Angel

 
 
 

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Hipster Quote of the Week:

The message at the end of “The Tortoise and the Hare” isn’t that ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but actually a well-remembered quote from the 1977 Disney classic “A New Hope”: “Great kid! Don’t get cocky”. Bullshit that the hare was gonna lose that race if he didn’t choose to stop for a nap and a snack and whatever else he did. Bullshit that the tortoise was going to catch up in any capacity if the hare didn’t slow down for him. Maybe that platitude makes sense, but definitely not in this situation.

 

A race is a sheer contest of speed. No other skills go into that. The tortoise and the hare aren’t making miniature wooden horses and getting judged on the craftsmanship of their products alongside their finish time; they are moving from one point to another. In no universe does slow and steady win that race. Slow and steady wins no races, except for races where the point is to go as slow as possible. Even in cases where slow and steady could be considered a possible alternative to fast, such as the aforementioned miniature-wooden-horse-making competition, someone who can do similar quality work at a much faster pace still wins that competition.

 

Slow and steady does not win the race. Not being too full of yourself does.."

 

~Nick Gilfor

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