Washington D.C NFL Team to Keep Name, Change Mascot to Red-Skin Potato

In a press conference today, Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder announced that he will keep his team’s name, but change its mascot to a red-skinned potato. “Turns out that the word ‘red-skin’ is not a racial slur when referring to potatoes,” Snyder said, “And by not changing the name we’ll save a ton of money, which is all we really care about anyway.”

During the announcement, Dan Snyder stood onstage with Tom McCarthy, head of the National Potato Council. To celebrate their new partnership, McCarthy announced that the first fifty people to buy season tickets will each receive a free twenty-pound sack of potatoes.

Local fans seemed excited by the announcement. “People used to hear me talking about my favorite team, and they would tell me the name was really offensive,” said Bill Watson, a lifelong resident of the Washington area, “But now I can say ‘Redskins’ all I want and it’s technically not racist anymore. Plus, who can turn down free potatoes?”

The Freudian Slip contacted several Native American tribes to ask if this change resolved the controversy surrounding the team name. Representatives from every single tribe replied, “Not even close.”

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