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Monday

0230: Student Apprehended for Performing Dangerous Yet Gnarly Skateboard Trick. 

9:57 - Apples Mysteriously Disappear from Dining Hall

 

Tuesday

4:02 - Student plays musical classic as they finish geography assignment

4:05 - YMCA finishes.

15:06 - Mariah Carey grows in power.

 

Thursday

12:04 - Student asks for time

12:05 - Professor makes “time for you to get a watch” joke

12:06 - No one laughs.

 

Friday

12:34 - Junior wakes up and screeches like rooster.

17:23 - High school student decides Clark is for them!

21:54 - Drunk students have dance battle.

 

Saturday

6:04 - Campus is silent

14:32 - Campus is buzzing

15:06 - Beekeeping club emergency meetup.

 

Sunday

8:04 - Student appeals to God to comfort for sins achieved much earlier that morning.

21:23 - All seats in the second floor of Goddard filled.

 

Police Logs

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Hipster Quote of the Week:

" The message at the end of “The Tortoise and the Hare” isn’t that ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but actually a well-remembered quote from the 1977 Disney classic “A New Hope”: “Great kid! Don’t get cocky”. Bullshit that the hare was gonna lose that race if he didn’t choose to stop for a nap and a snack and whatever else he did. Bullshit that the tortoise was going to catch up in any capacity if the hare didn’t slow down for him. Maybe that platitude makes sense, but definitely not in this situation.

 

A race is a sheer contest of speed. No other skills go into that. The tortoise and the hare aren’t making miniature wooden horses and getting judged on the craftsmanship of their products alongside their finish time; they are moving from one point to another. In no universe does slow and steady win that race. Slow and steady wins no races, except for races where the point is to go as slow as possible. Even in cases where slow and steady could be considered a possible alternative to fast, such as the aforementioned miniature-wooden-horse-making competition, someone who can do similar quality work at a much faster pace still wins that competition.

 

Slow and steady does not win the race. Not being too full of yourself does.."

 

~Nick Gilfor

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